March 4, 2004

A Behind the Scenes Look at Chris’ BLOG:

I know. If you know everything, life is no fun. That is so true. But the fun is not totally ruined if you know a little bit. I thought it would be OK if I walked you through some of the cast of characters that make a day in Chris’ BLOG. I can’t tell you everything. There are private people involved who I am guessing want to stay at least somewhat private. Also, I thought I would limit the day to today. There is no sense in trying to tell the whole life story. There will be other BLOGS.

The Wife – She is the one who got woken up this morning at 5:30 a.m. by me telling her that I had no purpose in life. That I was lonely. That I had nothing connecting me to the rest of the human race. That my life was nothing more than a giant void. She said: What about me? I said: Besides you.

The Sitting Chair – Where I sit every morning drinking coffee and reading the Recognitions by William Gaddis. Mostly, I sit in the sitting chair in boxer shorts. Often, but not as often, I sit bare ass naked – drinking coffee and reading the Recognitions by William Gaddis.

Young Pam – The woman on the bus who looks like a younger version of my former secretary. She reads the paper on the bus every morning.

Pam – My former secretary who is also the world’s greatest liar. She gets told every time I see Young Pam on the bus. Pam also likes to read the paper and mock people.

Big Al – Sandal wearing college professor. He has a life partner. She is also a college professor. Friends since the fourth grade. His mother was my fourth grade teacher. Dated Baby Fea for a summer back in the day. I read books with Big Al. We e-mail each other about what we are reading. At the moment, we are reading the Recognitions by William Gaddis together.

Baby Fea – Star of the Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show Starring Baby Fea (yea!). I read her BLOG every day and talk to her most days between 11:30 a.m. and noon.

Lawrence – Fellow WSCB personality and musician. Friends with my wife from high school. I read his BLOG every morning.

Dott – Artist who uses cosmetics instead of paint. I read her BLOG every morning.

Andrej – Ex-Revelers. Current Sleepy Kid. Friend for forever. I read his BLOG every morning.

Boulder – Band that never updates its website that I check every day.

The Volta Sound – Psychedelic rock band whose website I check frequently.

The Dreadful Yawns – Quiet experimental folk rock band whose website I check frequently.

The Once and Future Mentor – He is just what it says he is. Formerly the Former Mentor. I asked him today if I had to do something stupid for the team just to be a trooper and he blew the horn: charge!

The Former Mentor AKA Chuck – I called him to tell him what The Once and Future Mentor told me to do. We laughed. I told him, when this project got shut down like it supposed to get shut down, that I was going to tell the person who shut it down that the only reason that they were shutting it down is because I am black. He laughed. We are going to lunch tomorrow. Road trip.

Little Matty Bumpo – Ex-Revelers. Current Viva! Caramel. Current Up Ensemble. Friend for forever. Called to say we were shut out of the Cavaliers against the Bucks on Saturday.

Ricky – Ex-Reveler. Ex-Satan’s Satellites. Friend for forever. Called to say he is sharing my sense of purposeless void. We are going to get together this weekend to discuss further.

Seinfeld – What I watch every night after dinner.

Joel – Ex-Revelers. Current solo artist. Current member of a couple of bands in Washington, DC whose names escape me. Former roommate. Friend for forever. E-mailing each other frequently because I am going to stay with him in a couple of weeks.

This was me today. Pray for no rain. I want to run tomorrow.

posted by Thea at 9:50 PM

March 3, 2004

Not much doing today. Read a bit. Worked a bit. Made an effort to answer e-mails. It is an effort to stay in touch. Me – sitting there – looking at e-mails that I have to answer – that’s the technolocaust. I answer the e-mails. That means I get more. That means I have more to answer. Technolocaust. Good one, Baby Fea. And if I don’t get any e-mails, then I am all like, what, doesn’t anybody like me? It is called complaining no matter what. I have been kicking it all night tonight. Watching the Cavaliers crush Bobby Sura and the Atlanta Hawks. Flipping the channels. Watching clips of the Fabulous Life… on VH1. Wondering. Is it worth wasting any more BLOG space on how it is all bullshit? To paraphrase Bill Hicks or the Bible or Travis Bickle or Tool. One day a rain of fire is going to fall from heaven… I am looking forward to it.

How did you do with your round of the Game of Chris’ Life?

posted by Thea at 8:54 PM

March 2, 2004

Hey. For fun, why don't you try playing one day's worth of the Game of Chris' Life. For each situation, either add one point or subtract one point depending on whether you would do the same thing as Chris. Go head to head with friends for a round of the Game of Chris' Life. Although it's fun to compete with your friends, remember: there are no winners or losers in the Game of Chris' Life. If you are not Chris, you are already a winner.

Wake up super early to be to work at 7:30 a.m. so you can leave early to run before dinner while it is still light out. + 1 -1

Ride the bus to work. + 1 -1

Don't yell, "Shut up, bitch!" at the old lady who asked a million questions about where the bus is going in a loud old lady voice. + 1 -1

Don't tell the old lady sitting next to you that her perfume makes you want to vomit. + 1 -1

Make small talk with one of the office elders in the elevator even though the small talk involves the weather. + 1 -1

Work like a bastard all morning even going as far as to volunteer for extra work that you can't get billable credit for just because you want to make the office a better place. + 1 -1

Don't yell at the asshole who made your life hell yesterday when they tell you that yesterday's fiasco was all their fault. + 1 -1

Listen attentively to one million stories about children and housework and husbands and kid's parties and school projects and shopping and clothes and make-up and television shows because the women that you work with are under the impression that you are a thirty-two year old fat woman and not a fucking man who has absolutely no interest in that bullshit at all. Listen without yelling "What the fuck?" Not even once. + 1 -1

Eat a yogurt. +1 -1

Drink a coffee. +1 -1

Eat oatmeal. +1 -1

Eat an orange. +1 -1

Eat an apple. +1 -1

Tell your co-worker that you have a pit in your stomach when they tell you that they are leaving the office. + 1 -1

Don't cry when your co-worker tells you this even though you feel like it a little bit. + 1 -1

Tell the departing co-worker that they are doing the right thing and mean it. + 1 -1

Tell the departing co-worker that you are going to suffer eventually for the decision that you are making to stay and mean it. + 1 -1

Try to get the departing co-worker's secretary as your own with the next phone call you make after hanging up with the departing co-worker two seconds later. + 1 -1

Volunteer for a project so boring that it would make a person going through Chinese Water Torture pity you just because it will kill a couple of days of work. + 1 -1

Don't leave work early. Leave when you are supposed to. +1 -1

Watch the cat that likes to walk around on the counters and eat food off of the stove projectile vomit off of the counter that holds the cookie sheets onto the floor while you are putting your second bite of re-re-fried beans in your mouth. Watch the cat continue to vomit all over the apartment. You have been home for three minutes. You don't kill the cat. +1 -1

You do, however, get angry and swear. +1 -1

Suffer through two hours of the silent treatment and door slamming before yelling at your wife through clenched teeth. +1 -1

Run angrier than you have ever run in your life. +1 -1

Don't pull anything while running angry. +1 -1

Mumble threatening profanities at all other pedestrians on Lake Avenue while running angry. +1 -1

BLOG angry. But try to make a joke of a bad day. +1 -1

Vow to do it all again a little better tomorrow. +1 -1

posted by Thea at 8:59 PM

February 29, 2004

BLOG. Weekend Edition.

Friday. Didn’t do anything. I honestly can’t remember anything besides work. I know I had to do something.

Saturday. I spent the better part of the day at the office working. I got home in enough time to eat and then go to the Sinner’s house for the Sweet Groove Machine practice. I sang to myself, while playing the drums, songs of my grandmother.

Sunday. I ran both days this weekend. Today was the better of the two days because of the warmer weather. I watched all of the Lake Avenue posers get off of their fat asses today and hit the street. I am glad I am a little farther along than I would have been if I had chose to stay on my fat ass until it got warm. Now, I am tired. Laurie and I are going to pull down the futon for two hours of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” tonight. I will probably fall asleep before the new one airs. I will have the VCR going.

I am coming in like a lion on tomorrow’s Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show Starring Baby Fea (yea!).

posted by Thea at 6:56 PM