July 12, 2003

I went to the new Grog Shop yesterday. It was nice. It was big. It was cool and comfortable. With all good things there is a price. It was really crowded. Laurie and I bailed early. Big ups to the Lives of the Saints, the Fleshies, the Chargers Street Gang and Quazimodo for rocking out. Big ups to Kathy for sticking with a hard business for so long and opening such a nice place. And, uh, big ups to everybody – of course. Today, I went to a radio station meeting and practiced with Andrej for the first time since I was hit by the car. It went better than expected and I am in a great mood now. I am going to stretch out the arm, take a shower and go to bed – smiling the whole time.

posted by Thea at 9:56 PM

July 10, 2003

First up. Big ups to my Moms on her birthday. She is a young lady of 51. And she pretty much rules as far as moms go. I talked to Joel on the phone today. Or I should say I harassed him on the phone for fun today. This is how we ended up as adults. Nice. I went to my Moms’ and watched everybody eat cake and ice cream. I had none. Although it was not explicitly stated in the eight things that Thea said I was not supposed to eat on this forty day fast, I thought I should not eat cake and ice cream just based on the spirit of the fast. I ate a nectarine instead. And I had a ringer (Chris version) for dinner. All in all. A good start to the forty day fast. I drove the long way home. Through the Flats. Always a good drive. I am reading a book, “Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace, with my friends Big Al and Kevin. We read and then e-mail each other about it since we don’t live in the same city. I think that is a good idea. I am going to read now after stretching out my shoulder with the rubber tube. Goodnight.

posted by Thea at 10:47 PM

July 9, 2003

Today was another bogus day at work. I had a rush project that I worked on for most of the day and then nothing. I could not motivate myself to do anything else. I was just staring at all of the crap on my desk. There is no place to put any more crap. Yet I can’t get rid of any of it. It is just sitting there. Stopping me from doing anything. What I need to do is get that desk cleaned off. But. A big but. (And I normally like big butts). I just sat there wallowing. The wallow is the fat and lazy brother of the lull. And they are both bastard children of depression. I am going to force myself out of it. I spent the last hour of work planning my vacations. California in September. New York City in December. California in February. I booked my flight for California in September. I am going out to see my brother. By myself. We are going on a road trip. From San Bernadino, CA to San Francisco, CA. In a Ford truck. I don’t know what one of his three. Probably the big one. (They are all big.) I priced the trip to New York City. It is cheaper to fly than you think. I almost forgot that Laurie and I are going to Chicago, IL in a couple of weeks to pick up some furniture. And we are going with Dirt and family to Cedar Point this Sunday. That is a lot of trips. See. When you have another bogus day at work. Plan a bunch of trips. Book a flight. It will give you the sense that you are not stuck there.

posted by Thea at 9:56 PM

July 8, 2003

It is easy to be lulled into a fall sense of satisfaction concerning the job when I am not there for over a week. Yeah. I love my job. When I am on vacation. And sure. Most of the time when I am there I can convince myself that it is not so bad. But the first day back. After a day off. The weekend. A long weekend. A short vacation. A leave of absence. Or a fucking sabbatical. Is always going to blow. Period. For me. That was today. Work sucked. So bad. I broke into the this is not my reality speech a couple of times and then I totally crashed at home tonight. I am going to have to pull it together if I want to get out of it. I am going to have to work. If only to stop working. No more walking coma. No more dream state. I would rather be in pain and reacting in pain and fucking up in pain than to be lulled. Lulled. Lulled. That word sickens me. I am lulled. I am going to have to snap out of it. I am trying to convince myself. I am trying to wake up. These BLOGS are part of the process. To get out of the lull.

posted by Thea at 9:36 PM

July 7, 2003

A rare Monday BLOG that will be as short as it is rare. Big ups to listener Don who was on the Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show this morning. Not only I am thankful that there is somebody who likes the radio show enough to donate money to Radiothon every year and come on the show but I am also thankful that listener Don gave me a videotape of that Bill Hicks documentary that they are showing on Trio. It was very inspiring. And I promise to do something different with the radio show, my writing and life. It is best to make these statements in the heat of the moment.

posted by Thea at 8:49 PM

July 6, 2003

Week one at the new place is over. It is finally livable. Next will be homey. And then hopefully we will hit nice. Sometime before the start of the next book. I am hoping. And I am thinking. This week has been full of domestic discomfort. And all that you can think of when you are uncomfortable is where is that comfort? Show me the comfort. Can a brother get some comfort? Well. This move was not about comfort. If you remember back. This was the Year of Big Change. Like last year was the Year of Hard Work. Now is the time to put the two ideas together. So. The comfort stuff. Not really that important. But I am giving myself forty days to get the comfort stuff straight. I don’t think it will help me think any clearer. But I need some comfort. The arm is getting better. I held drum sticks for the first time two days ago and yesterday I hit the drums at Andrej’s house. We start practicing again next week. That is something to look forward to. I just watched the “Good Son” again on cable. Man. They should have called that movie the “Creepy Kid”. Or the “Little Screwball”. Next. Work e-mail. Make coffee. Take shower. Lie in air conditioning. AC = the good life. Tomorrow is my last day of vacation. I’ll talk about it tomorrow on the Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show.

posted by Thea at 9:44 PM