April 26, 2003

I fell asleep during the Bucks/Nets game. I have been fighting to stay awake since then. Out of gas. Hit the wall. Whipped. I painted my living room today. We are approaching end game. And then what? Maybe we can invent little things that always need to be done so we are never finished. That way we never have to move forward. That way we never have to decide. Every time I tell people what we are doing, the response is always - what? Nobody understands. I don’t expect them to. Maybe what Dirt said today about people being too stupid to realize that they are wasting their lives is true. Maybe there is something to be said for being too stupid. I wish I could be more stupid. Or dumbly. Or just stop thinking. Maybe for a day. That would be nice. A day off. From thinking. Or just a nice summer. In my back yard. Listening to Van Halen. Drinking beer. We both know that is not going to happen.

There is this old lady at work who I thought was calling me Fred. Hello Fred. I never corrected her because I liked being called Fred. And I don’t really like my name. I was telling people around the office about how much I liked this old lady calling me Fred. Well. Yesterday. She clearly called me Frank. Hello Frank. Frank is my favorite name. Along with Mike. Along with Wally. Along with Chuck. Did some tell her? Is she just fucking with me? I hope not. I hope she keeps on calling me Frank.

I thought today about changing the name of “Starvation” to “Perfect from Now On” (after the Built to Spill song). That is totally what the book is about. “Perfect from Now On”. I am listening to that record now. I think I am going to go to other room so I can listen to it on the louder stereo. “I am going to be perfect from now on. I am going to be perfect starting now.”

posted by Thea at 10:18 PM

April 25, 2003

Yesterday, I was so tired while painting that I nearly fell of off the ladder three times and down the stairs once. That is all I remember from yesterday. That and thinking that I don’t want to work anymore and deciding what I am going to write next. I am excited. May Day to the Fourth of July. A rewrite of “Starvation” – the diet book dedicated to God. The first draft was written in the icy cold of the winter of 2001. I have a solid twenty thousand word start (leaving sixty thousand words as total garbage). It is going to work this time. I know it. I am in the mood to write it. My mindset is exactly where it needs to be. This is going to be great.

Today was the second time in less than a year where there was a shopping bag of pornography lying in the middle of the street while I walked to the bus. Today was the second time in less than a year where I asked what the fuck? Today was the second time in less than a year where I left the pornography lying in the street. Today was the second time in less than a year where I sat on the bus regretting that I did not grab the bag of pornography. Damn it.

I read this morning, went to work, got taken out to lunch, ate a Monte Cristo sandwich, had a good time, told somebody that my mother-in-law was hot for an old lady, ate spinach pie (big ups to Laurie – daughter of the hot old lady), went to practice and BLOGGED. Now, I am going to watch basketball. This weekend, I am going to paint, practice and watch basketball. This all sounds pretty good for some reason.

posted by Thea at 10:18 PM

April 23, 2003

I can’t even pretend that I feel like BLOGGING so it is going to be short. How about Minnesota pulling one off last night? The TV said that Kevin Garnett had a career high 35 points. Career high? 35 points? That is the single reason that the Timberwolves will lose this series. Holy shit! If the Timberwolves ever want to get past the first round, they are going to need more than 35 points out of the franchise player. Worked sucked. Long. Tedious. Pointless. I think I should get this down on paper while I am living it. Again and again and again. I am in one of those moods… again. I practiced tonight, read a little and have been painting for the last three hours. It went bad tonight. Nothing was easy. Many mistakes. It was like I was cursed to step in paint all night. I listened to the first two Electric Wizard albums while I worked. Yes, Thea, they were wearing robes and pointed hats while they grinded out their doom metal. Also, Thea, today is Wednesday. I hoped that helped.

Here’s to plan F.

posted by Thea at 10:36 PM

April 22, 2003

It is halftime. The Minnesota Timberwolves are up by 14. I wish did not believe that the Los Angeles Lakers were going to come back. Or I wish I believed that the Timberwolves had a chance. Yeah, I know that the Lakers are going to win. That sucks. It is depressing. What is also depressing is me going back to work today. Do you want to talk about bogus? It was a whole hour in the cubicle before my neck was stiff and I could not breath. I know I am going blind because of the job. I have to get out of there. What if the job that is slowly killing me starts to accelerate its efforts? Yeah, I am in trouble. I painted all night. Living room ceiling. Mudroom. Basement stairs. Laurie finished the dining room and then gave me a hand. The painting sucked. I am tired. And to make matters worse, I am flying solo every night until Sunday because Laurie has to go back to work tomorrow. I will only have the gentle comfort of blasting heavy metal to keep me company. It’s the price you have to pay. Dude, I am totally riding a bummer right now. The bright spot is I am bumming about physical things that I can change. It is just that I have to change them. I guess that is the hard part. Go Timberwolves. (Yeah, right.)

posted by Thea at 11:08 PM

April 20, 2003

What is a holiday without the triumvirate of suburban bliss that is Garfield Heights, Independence and Parma, OH? I am sorry. That is unfair. That question cannot be answered. I shrink in fear at the thought of a holiday without them. Rockside Road equals the road to happiness. Happy Easter to one and all. I hope everybody got enough kielbasa. I will talk to you tomorrow on the Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show. Goodnight.

posted by Thea at 9:20 PM