January 25, 2003

I have not walked this week because of the cold weather. That kind of sucks. I am also still not feeling too hot. I have been on antibiotics for a few days but they still have not really kicked in. I am dragging. I am looking to turn the corner any day now. And when that happens, I will let you know.

posted by Thea at 9:46 PM

January 24, 2003

Oh, you’re in. I didn’t think I was going to get you. No, I sure didn’t. Why did I call? Because I wanted to talk to you as soon as you got in. I know you’re here. You got a minute? Good. Good. Would you mind coming up here? All right. I’ll see you in a minute. (A minute passes.) Hey, come on in. Sit down. I want to know where you’re at. No, I want to know where you are at. I can see you’re right there. I get it. No, I want to know where you are at with the stuff I gave you. It’s finished? You’re kidding me. You’re done. You really got all that stuff out of here. No, I am not questioning you. I just can’t believe that you got finished with all that stuff. Well, that’s great. You are fast, buddy. I’ll give you that. No, I have no problem believing that you’re done. It is just that when I give something to somebody to do, I just want it done. And that never happens. Yeah, I can see that it happened here. I can see that. (Ring.) Hold on a second. I am going to take this call. Yeah. No. No. Yes. No. No. Look, I am not trying to be argumentative. I don’t want to fight with you. I am just a man trying to get some work done. That’s all. Yes. No. No. No. Hey, woah, look, I don’t want to cut you off but if you are just argue with me, I am going to have to go. OK. No. No. Ill call you later. (Click.) Fucking dick. Woah. I didn’t say that. You didn’t hear that, did you? You wouldn’t say anything, would you? Well, I would hope not. It’s just sometimes these people are dicks. No, seriously, I love what I do. Or I wouldn’t do it. So, where are you at? That’s right. You’re all done. Hmm hmm. Hmm hmm. Hmm hmm. Hey, sorry, I don’t want to cut you off but you have to go. I have work to do. I have to get going here. I have to work. (Ring.) Yeah.

posted by Thea at 9:33 PM

January 23, 2003

She signals at me. What? She wanted to talk to me about something. OK. Let’s talk. In private. OK. We go into a private room. She closes the door. She says that she does not want anybody to hear about this. It is just in the beginning stages. She does not want it to get out too soon. OK. What? She lies to me. I know that she is lying. I know it for a fact. I don’t even have a little bit of doubt. She is lying. She has been lying to me for years. She is a master liar. I have seen her lie. She saw me watch her lie. She smiled while lying. She knows that I know that she is lying. She lies. I listen. She lies some more. I go along with it. Happily. I am happy to hear her lie. Her lying makes happy. She lies some more. I am still listening. I never call her on her lies. I never say bullshit. I never question her because I don’t want to know. I like her too much to let me calling her on a lie get in the way of how much I like her. I don’t think it would matter to her if I did. She would just keep on lying. And I would keep on listening. I don’t mind the lies. I like to see her in action. I am a witness to the lies. She is so damn good at it. She is a master liar. She leaves me. I know that she lied the whole time. Her lies bounce around my head. I am not mad at the lies. The lies were exactly what I wanted to hear. Somebody else told me what the liar told her. They were lies. They were a different set of lies on the same subject. The lies were special lies just for her. The lies were exactly what she wanted to hear. I did not let on that I thought that the liar was lying. I did not tell her what the liar told me. Even though I caught her in the lies. I just let it go. I like the liar too much. Sometimes you got to let things slide. Sometimes, you just look the other way if you like somebody enough. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. Let the liar lie.

posted by Thea at 9:21 PM

January 22, 2003

I read an article about the Google search engine with my pants off in the doctor’s office today. I did searches for the Assholier than Thou Good times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show when I got home. I am proud to report that three of the five hits for “dubious ruffians” are this very website. How about that? Also, I am extremely fucking proud to report that Guided By Voices (If I knew that GBV was going to use the review, I would have said that Bob Pollard is a greater songwriter that Lennon and McCartney combined. I know the meaning of the word hyperbole.) uses one of my reviews on their own website. So does Lionel Jefferson Airplane. So does Abdullah. What an honor. What a delight. I am very happy to contribute to other people’s websites. Just ask and I will go to town. I can write like a mother. Ask the Sinner. Ask Boulder. Just ask. That is all that I am asking. Ask. I am not trying to break bad with anybody. I just want to be asked. Is that cool?

Yesterday, I gave big ups to my wife on her birthday. Today, I am giving big ups to the other woman in my life – Thea. You see, I went to the doctor’s office today. Two words: rectal exam. It was my first. And it was a cold cold day in Lakewood, OH. What could have been a miserable experience was a little less so by me invoking the living spirit of Baby Fea aka Ms. Honky aka The Bronze Goddess of Fire aka DJ Crazy Nickname. I did stick at the doctor’s office. I laughed at my own jokes. The doctor laughed too. He poked me in the tookass. I did not ask for a picture of the procedure but I thought about it. And then it was over. Big ups to Thea. I guess there is a point to living ultra light.

posted by Thea at 10:06 PM

January 21, 2003

Big ups to my wife on her Birthday. Huge ups to my wife on her Birthday. Gigantic ups to my wife on her Birthday. I am BLOGGING while waiting for my mother-in-law to get to the house. She’s running a little late. Like mother. Like daughter. We are going to Luchita’s for dinner and then I am going to watch the Cavs on television in honor of my wife on her birthday. Every time I cheer for the Cavs, it will be for Laurie. Every time I boo The Goodyear Kemp (just a little louder each time), it will be for Laurie. I am dedicating my watching basketball tonight to my wife on her birthday.

My wife is twenty-nine today. I first dated the old crow when she was seventeen. We started living together when she was twenty. I have watched her grow from a cute girl to a beautiful woman. Watching her grow up has brought me joy. My memories of her are going to make me smile when I am a bitter old man. Happy Birthday to my wife. She is the man now dog.

posted by Thea at 5:29 PM

January 19, 2003

What happened to today? Nothing. At least I think it was nothing. I woke up and wrote. It went good. I listened to a couple of hours of Jim Rome on the e-mail computer while I ironed clothes. I went to lunch with my in-laws out in Parma, OH. My father-in-law corrected my grammar. I came home. I took a nap. I read. I watched TV. I BLOGGED. I read some more. I watched more TV. I went to bed. After further review, I think that the list of activities that represent today, while officially not nothing, really does not amount to anything. And that is not so bad.

posted by Thea at 9:33 PM