December 21, 2002

I had my friend who is staying with us tell me that he woke up the other day in my front bedroom and lied on the futon for a while with his wife while looking out the window and he told me that looking out into the quiet gray Cleveland, OH morning reminded him of how desolate it is here. Yeah, I said, that is what I have been trying to tell you. Cleveland, OH is desolate. So is Lyndhurst, OH – probably even more so. I drove through the East Side suburbs today and I could not think of anywhere on earth that I would rather be less than Richmond Road on the Saturday before Christmas. It gave me the holiday blahs. I was in such a funk that I almost drank some of the many holiday beers that are in the refrigerator to make me feel more festive. I was saved from the brew by the same houseguest friend who somehow finds enthusiasm in things that are desolate and then shares that enthusiasm with me. That is what it is all about. It is a Christmas miracle.

posted by Thea at 8:04 PM

December 20, 2002

I had too much time too think today. That, combined with an ultra heavy soul, made for a couple of BLOG worthy revelations.

I had a dream last night involving my wife where I was jealous – damned blind jealous. That was a first in over a decade of various levels of involvement.

I almost always run faster while listening to grinding rock but I don’t like to run to grinding rock because it ruins my concentration.

The newspaper started calling bands like Keelhaul “heavy rock”. It is called heavy metal – for a reason.

I still think I could do the whole prison thing but I would definitely have to be able to lie down. I could not lie down on the job today and I really needed to lie down.

Ask and you will almost receive. That’s almost.

I fall in love too easily. The same goes for hate.

“Altogether, I think we ought to read only books that bite and sting us. If the book does not shake us awake like a blow to the skull, why bother reading it in the first place? So that it can make us happy, as you put it? Good God, we'd be just as happy if we had no books at all; books that make us happy we could, in a pinch, also write ourselves. What we need are books that hit us like a most painful misfortune, like the death of someone we loved more than ourselves, that make us feel as though we had been banished to the woods, far from any human presence, like a suicide. A book must be the ax for the frozen sea within us. That is what I believe.”

- Franz Kafka letter to Oskar Pollak January 27, 1904 (thank you Tom Ericsson for hipping me to that one)

I am probably not going to amount to anything in life and if I do, I will almost definitely be too fucked up for it to mean anything. That is a double consolation for anyone who needs one (or two).

posted by Thea at 8:12 PM

December 19,2002

On one hand, I am in full on holiday mode. I am running and celebrating and celebrating while running, On the other hand, I am stuck inside a giant warehouse all day like at the end of the movie “Raiders of the Lost Ark” keeping an eye on people looking at all of those boxes. I am both pumped and psyched and bored out of my mind at the same time. No matter what the combination, though, it is always good for poems and poetry.

If I had the ability
To jump into the television screen
Like Mike TV
And participate
In any television program
If I could get
Inside the television
And be a part of it
To be TV

I would jump inside
The movie “Cocktail”
And kill
Everybody in that movie

posted by Thea at 9:13 PM

December 18, 2002

There’s nothing to BLOG
Friends are in from out of town
Maybe tomorrow

posted by Thea at 9:58 PM

December 17, 2002

On paper, it looks like Christmas is a week away but I have friends coming in from out of town to stay with me and Laurie for a week so it starts tomorrow. I have been running for the last two days straight. We finished most of our Christmas shopping yesterday and I spent tonight cleaning the house, buying supplies for our houseguests and buying more Christmas presents. I, since my better half has to work every night, have many more days of shopping ahead of me. I am trying to decide whether I would be better off trying to get it done in one shot instead of going out every day until my nerves can’t take it anymore. There is something to be said for demanding performance from myself. I must perform. I demand it. I know I will be out there again tomorrow night. We will see. We will see.

posted by Thea at 10:40 PM

THIS WAS NOT BLOGGED YESTERDAY BECAUSE I WAS BLOGGED OUT OF CYBERSPACE.

December 15, 2002

It was a lazy Sunday. I read. I watched the Browns lose. I went Christmas shopping. I watched some more TV.

I would get into any or all of it right now but I don’t feel like blowing my wad before tomorrow’s show. There is a wad to blow. I was in Parma, OH today.

Tune in tomorrow to the Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show for the return of Thea AKA Ms. Honkey AKA Baby Fea. I think that the show is going to be a good one.

posted by Thea at 4:52 AM