December 7, 2002

Read Thea’s BLOG first for your daily Thea update.

Things are getting back to normal in the Assholier than Thou universe. Thea is at home watching TV, sleeping and enjoying the therapeutic properties of the monkey blanket. I am angrily running through the cold Cleveland, OH winter and listening to the Cavs lose basketball games on the radio. I am picking on Thea on the phone and she is hanging up on me because she does not know if she is going to urinate or bleed while she is on the phone with me. All is right with the world.

I hung out with my dude Andrej (ex-Revelers) today. I enjoy spending time with Andrej because he is more earnest than me and, through that earnestness, allows me to get ultra heavy. I did not take advantage of the opportunity to get ultra heavy with my dude today but I know that I could of if I wanted to. It was weird – me and Andrej driving around Westlake, OH in my wife’s Euro station wagon. I asked him if he thought that that we would ever be in our thirties driving around Westlake, OH in a Euro station wagon and he said no. I don’t have a problem with any of it but I certainly did not imagine it as my life.

posted by Thea at 10:50 PM

December 6, 2002

Read Thea’s BLOG first for your daily Thea update.

Reading Thea’s BLOG today was the first time that I have smiled all day and probably for the last couple of days if I was going to think about it. I have been in one of my typical undefined shitty moods for the last week. I don’t know what it is all about, man, but it just sucks. I hung out a little bit with Jamie from Boulder and He Who Shall Not be Mentioned on the Show Ever Again – Ever yesterday and felt a little bit better but not really. Today, I spoke at length with the artist Tom Ericsson on the phone and ended the conversation maybe being able to put my finger on what is biting my ass. I just got done running – blowing off much steam - and then I did not feel like ripping somebody’s head off anymore. And then I read Thea’s BLOG and I felt better. Thank God Thea is home. Thank God Thea is doing all right. Thank God for Thea’s mother.

You see, I have been one of the people saying that it was nice that Thea’s mother was going to be taking care of Thea in the Rocky River compound while she is recovering. It is the holiday season and I am a big fucking dork where family is concerned. Like Thea, I am not all that close with my family but, unlike Thea, I dream of a day when my huge extended family is always hanging out and having a good time. That’s why I want kids – so I can see my wife’s and my parents more. I am geek who wants to have family softball games every Sunday. I am really having my doubts that it is ever going to happen for me but whenever I hear somebody mention their family, I get totally encouraging of the family unit above all else.

I read Thea’s BLOG and pictured her mom kicking tables and cats running scared and a full sized doll sitting on the sofa and then my imagination really went wild and I can see Thea in my head and know what she is going through and I admit that maybe I am wrong about this family stuff - at least where she is concerned.

posted by Thea at 9:43 PM

December 5, 2002

Your daily Thea update.

Thea sounded better today. She was not as out of it as yesterday but she was still nowhere near herself. Thea told me that she was walking around a little bit and that she took a shower. This is major progress when you are in the hospital after an operation. She is going home tomorrow to the Rocky River compound. I guess that is a warning to whoever needs to be warned.

I told her that I was BLOGGING daily status reports on the website and she wanted everybody to know that she had a picture of the thing that they took out of her. I think that there was a couple of other things that I was supposed to mention but I must have forgot them all at the thought of the picture. It is a disgusting thought.

One thing I want to add is that Thea retains her dignity throughout all of this hospitalization bullshit. Thea remains a lady and not a disgusting pig sharing every bodily function that she has during this ordeal. She is not completely stoic but she is a strong woman and she is to be admired for her courage and reserve.

posted by Thea at 7:34 PM

December 4, 2002

Your daily Thea update.

Thea called me from the hospital pretty early this morning but I was not in my office so I missed the call. She called me again a couple of hours later but she was interrupted by the man who wanted her to sit up for the first time after the surgery. She was able to talk for ten minutes after she was sitting. She said that she was in pain but it was not as bad as she thought it would be. She said she did not cry when she sat up but she almost fainted. Thea continued to hit the morphine button while she spoke to me and also demanded that I did not make her laugh. She was serious, Thea said. It hurt.

Today, Thea sounded like somebody who had just been through a major operation as opposed to somebody who had just been through a major operation but was trying to make you think otherwise. I could tell Thea was in pain and she did not make any attempt to make me believe anything else. This was the seriousness that I have been looking for but I sure as hell don’t want it if it means that she is going to be bedridden in pain in the hospital. This is not what I was asking for.

On a bright note, the Cavs beat the Bulls for their first victory in almost a month (last win = vs. Lakers on 11/05/02). The Cavs are not as bad as the team that just dropped fifteen straight but they are also not very good either. Boozer and Wagner continue to impress. They don’t make too many rookie mistakes that don’t in some way involve the Cavs’ total lack of passing ability and pretty much carry the offense. Ricky Davis was back in tonight and not fighting with Tyrone Hill. That’s too bad. Tyrone Hill can bite me. Without Darius Miles playing and the Cavs looking just a little bit promising, it makes me wonder (oh, it makes me wonder) what the Cavs would do with Andre Miller back at the point. Probably lose but not as much and then Ilguaskas would break his foot again and it would be back to total bullshit. I guess we know this story already.

posted by Thea at 9:57 PM

December 3, 2002

Thea went to the hospital for her surgery today. I will leave it up to her if she wants to share with you the gory details. You are going to have to trust me on this one; they are at least a little bit gory. That is for damn sure.

She called me this afternoon from the hospital. I am not sure if she was calling just to show me what a bad ass she is or was it out of her burning desire to make everything seem normal no matter what abnormality is fucking up the program or if she just wanted to talk. I don’t know. I never know with Thea. The conversation was short and she asked me repeatedly not to make her laugh even though I was deliberately trying to not say anything funny. I am trying to be serious – probably more serious than I think is necessary – just because everything is such a big joke with Thea.

There are issues. There are concerns. There are problems. Thea says she knows that but she just refuses to acknowledge them. I guess that is my department.

Through out all of this illness and hospital bullshit, I am sure that Thea will end up just fine and you know I will keep you posted. I just don’t want it to be me that is the only one of the two of us that is concerned all of the time.

A final note: I finished the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers tonight. It is all gone and for that I am truly thankful.

posted by Thea at 9:16 PM

December 1, 2002

I guess I did not have enough time off because I blew off today too. I woke up and read the book “The Stars at Noon” by Denis Johnson. It was OK – definitely not as good as “Jesus’ Son” but OK. I watched the Browns lose and then went for a very cold walk. I definitely think it sucks harder walking in the cold than running and I can tell you that I really don’t feel like doing either but if I sit on my ass all winter I will be totally bumming and feel like a fat slob. Now, we can’t have that, can we?

I have one more month of the year of hard work. I need to get at it. It was not the eleven months of hard work. It was the year.

I wonder what the year of big change will bring? I can say honestly, with a month a way, that I still have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I want to move forward in a big way but I do not want to move just for the sake of moving. I am getting older and I am overcome with the feeling that any big decisions that I make need to be the right ones. I have made big decisions before – completely without thinking – and this is where it is has got me. I am doing OK. I know that. But I want to do better. I am feeling nervous because I am putting myself in a position to where the next decisions I make are going to be sort of life altering. I know I will be the same person but what I am deciding to do is what I am going to do with my life. Big picture. Mission. Goal. And all the associated bullshit that goes with it.

I just want to do it right.

posted by Thea at 9:56 PM