November 23, 2002

Although today was not the exact two year anniversary of my house being broken into, it did happen on the day of the Ohio State/Michigan game. I will never forget. Yesterday, I came home to a dark house. A door on the microwave cabinet was busted off the hinge and it was not busted when I left for work. I noticed that the curtain on the mudroom was blowing around. It happened again, I thought, as my stomach clenched up with fear and anxiety. I will never forget. It turned out that my wife busted the cabinet door and it was just really windy yesterday. I will never forget. Today, it was totally gray - just like that day two years ago. It was blinding gray. There was a little bit of snow falling just like the day my house was broken into. I will never forget. I saw my neighbor. He is an Ohio State University alumnus. He had an alibi. He said hello and smiled and rushed back inside his home for the kick off. I will never forget. Two years later, I have a house but I will never have a home in it. I will never forget.

Thanks, big ups and props go out to my dog Dirt who busted his ass along with me today jacking up my back porch and finishing the floor joist sistering project. It took all day. He is the man now dog. That should be it except for some serious painting and some nitpick joist bracing until spring. I have said it before and I will say it again; I think the worst of it is behind me.

posted by Thea at 11:05 PM

November 22, 2002

I went to an old school wake for an old school cat at an old school funeral home in the old neighborhood. I did not know that people still lived in that neighborhood anymore. The funeral home was more house like than any funeral home than I have ever been in. It was nice. It was charming. It is nice to think of the world before everything had a parking lot. I am against parking lots. It was funny to hear people freak out about the lack of parking and how they had to park on the street. The Assholier than Thou Good Times Happy Friends Monday Morning Radio Show is all about on street parking. There are houses on my street that don’t have a driveway because I live in an old neighborhood. That is why my neighborhood is nice.

I did not know the man who died too well. In fact, I only met him once but he was a good man from what I can remember and from what I heard, he lived his life how he wanted to. He liked to do things the way that he liked to do them. He was at the track just last week. For those of you who are unhip, it is called living. It all boils down to food, drink, friends and family. If you get enough of those things, you get enough of life.

I ran tonight. From West 117th Street to Brockley, there was nobody on Lake Avenue but me. Like Mr. T, I am a bad man. Everybody is a jogger in the spring but it is just me and Joe Tait when it is snowing.

posted by Thea at 10:01 PM

November 21,2002

It was told to me that asking for more money at work will make a man out of you. Well, today, I am a man. I was all pumped up – maybe too pumped up – about my pitch to my boss about how I need more money. I was totally scripted. I had all of my points memorized. I had my presentation ready to go - down to the last smacks of my hands together when I said, “Bottom line – I (smack) need (smack) more (smack) money (smack).” I had a good night sleep and I got to work early to get psyched up drinking mad coffee. But I spaced on the time. I thought my review was at 1:30 p.m. It was at 9:30 a.m. My boss called me at 9:40 a.m. and asked me if I was forgetting something. Immediately, I went from having the upper hand by being so amped up to having no hand at all by being late. I was completely without hand. I was hand free walking into my review. I apologized for being late and then I sat there totally silent while my boss did her spiel. During her rap, she stopped a couple of times and asked me if I had anything to say. I said no. I was waiting to strike or just crapping out. I did not know. She finished and asked if I had any questions. I said yes and went for it. I think I am getting my raise. I was slow and deliberate during my pitch. I did not smack my hands because I was without hand but it still went OK. It will make a man out of you.

I told Thea the lamest idea that I could ever come up with for a script idea and we both agreed that it was the idea that was most likely to be bought by Hollywood, CA. It is about an ex-prostitute attorney.

I used to dream about being on television but the medium has become so stupid with all of that reality television bullshit that I cannot participate in television because it is beneath me.

Big ups to my wife for cranking in the kitchen and destroying with a killer enchilada dinner for me, my boy Dirt, his wife and daughter. His daughter was total high energy in the house. My wife asked if I would be able to handle a high energy kid in the house all of the time. I meant it honestly and completely when I said yes.

posted by Thea at 10:36 PM

November 20, 2002

I just was in the bathroom doing my business and getting a drink of water when my wife started yelling, “Oh my God! Oh my God!” at some television show. I came out of the bathroom to ask her what was the matter. She said that there was a lady who was about to bungee jump off a cliff with a strong man holding her on “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not”. She is still yelling “Oh my God!” now. I did not know that TV had that effect on people who were not the elderly or children. That electronic box is still filled with miraculous wonder for some people.

posted by Thea at 8:46 PM

November 19, 2002

How much is a ninety dollar front row seat at a Peter Gabriel concert actually worth? Nothing. It is a good thing I got it for free. I don’t have time to fully detail the concert for you because I want to put this horrible evening behind me by going to bed as quickly as possible but let’s just say it was the most boring show ever. I slept through most of it and when I was awake, I wanted to leave. I am so agitated right now, I am afraid that I will not be able to fall asleep. I am going to have to focus on the aforementioned performance and hope it has the same effect as live at the Gund Arena. This show truly sucked.

posted by Thea at 11:13 PM

November 17, 2002

I spent the day working on home repair projects with my boy Dirt. He is the man now dog. Today’s project was great. It was sistering new floor joists to the cracked ones in the basement. This job was totally unnecessary, really. I just did it because I am some sort of freak perfectionist that can’t stand looking at cracks in the wood that is holding up my floor. It was not like my floor was about to collapse. It was just bouncy and sloped and slanted in places. It is not straight now but the floor is less springy. I love working on home repair projects with Dirt. When I first bought this house he was the one dude who volunteered to help me fix things and he is the one dude who will always say he will help with projects now. I really needed Dirt when I bought this house because I did not know jack shit about home repairs. Now that I can hammer straight and own a bunch of tools, he is fun to hang around with and talk to while I get my fix-the-house thing on. He also helps lift things that require two people and always does most of the work. Today’s project was also fun because I did not have any intention on finishing it today and was, therefore, in no great rush to do anything. And, as a bonus, it required a trip to the big box home repair place and that is always kick ass with one of your dudes because you can share in the hilarity while you both watch assholes try to return things that they stole and idiots who pull the biggest cart that the big box home repair place has so they can check out of the store with two nails on the cart. Fucking morons you will say as always but this time you have your boy there with you to share the moment. Dirt will be with me later on this week when we finish this job and I am secretly hoping that I goof off enough so that it takes two more days because I have such a good time working on home repair projects with Dirt.

posted by Thea at 7:59 PM