August 31, 2002

I wish that my watch would say 23:59:99 but it does not. It says 24:00:41. That is how fast I ran the 5K this morning. That was as fast as I could run. I had some traffic issues where I had to stop at Cove and there is all that construction around West 117th Street but that is pretty much it. I can sit here in my boxing slacks and say that I could run faster but it is a whole different deal when you are out on the street. I was still filled with doubts and a desire to quit while I ran but I kept on going and that is all that I can ask for. I would like to be able to sit hear and claim victory. It could be black and white. There could be no question. It could say 23:59:99. It does not and I have to live with that. I think that most things in life are like that. There are no blue ribbons or trophies given out for day to day achievement. You have to ask yourself if succeeded or failed. Nobody is going to tell you. I worked hard at running and did the best I could but there is a fraction of a second that tells me that I did not do what I set out to do. And I am going to live with it.

posted by Thea at 10:07 PM

August 30, 2002

I just got back from Tool. They were excellent. I got to spend the evening in downtown Cleveland, OH with not only Tool fans but Browns and Indians fans as well. West Sixth Street. Gateway district. I was there, dude. And I somehow managed to get home without killing anybody. It is a miracle.

A few thoughts:

The braying jackass on a cell phone routine, no matter how popular with idiots and morons alike, is over. The world will be a better place when the cell phone is destroyed - same thing with mandles, heavy cologne and fat ladies revealing excessive flesh. Keep it in your pants, Cleveland, OH.

If you go to a concert at the Gund Arena (or anywhere) and you have to eat nachos or small pizzas, you are a loser. You are doing it wrong. Every situation is not appropriate for a snack attack.

I thought it was very distasteful that the drummer from Tool would wear full Lakers gear in concert when it is a known fact that the Lakers had to cheat to beat the Kings in the Western Conference Finals. That is sending the wrong message to the impressionable youth of America.

Goodnight, Cleveland, OH – land of fat yahoos.

posted by Thea at 11:46 PM

August 29, 2002

I am fighting an uphill battle with this watch thing. An uphill battle that took me to the hell on earth that is the Great Northern area. I still get chills driving down Great Northern Blvd. thinking about the year that I spent working at the record store aka the worst job ever. Humanity is, of course, garbage. And you can’t escape humanity on Great Northern Blvd. I could not find an exact match for my broken watch – the fourth Timex Ironman that I have busted in just under five years – so I bought a replacement band so I could keep on using my old one that is covered in paint. You see, I hate change. I can’t stand it. It sickens me. And I don’t want a different Ironman watch with different Ironman buttons. I am an iron man who wants the same Ironman for the rest of my life. And of course I bought the wrong size band. And of course I was already home before I figured this out. After struggling with it trying to make it fit, damn it, I went to the junk drawer to see if the band would fit any of the old Ironman watches that I have saved since 1997. Of course none of them did. I sadly looked at my old watches and figured I was just going to have to buy a new Ironman watch with different Ironman buttons. I looked at the four broken watches – watches that I thought were the exact same watches bought again and again - and noticed they were all slightly different. And the I went running sans Ironman.

posted by Thea at 10:57 PM

August 28, 2002

Without getting to far into what I do (or don’t do) for a living at the office, I was on a super top secret assignment outside of the office today. Basically, I got to sit and watch other people work for six hours. I drank three cups of coffee and sat down. And kept on sitting for six hours straight. I read. I finished James Ellroy’s “The Cold Six Thousand”. It was good. I thought. I thought about lots of things. I maybe wrote some things down on my large notebook. In short, it was good. Too good. I like sitting around and doing nothing. I realized today that I would have absolutely no problem serving time. I think that prison would agree with me. I like to read. I like to write. And we already know how I feel about the Alcatraz Workout. Oh my, it would be heaven. I know that I would be able to write the great American novel with a long enough sentence. I know that for a fact. The only problem is figuring out the right crime. I would want something that would set my wife up for life. I don’t ever want her to have to worry about money again. I don’t mind stealing from faceless entities and, since I don’t believe in the sanctity of human life, murder would not be a problem if it was for a good reason. I am sure that if I got to spend time with the person I was supposed to kill for a couple of hours, I would find a reason to do the job. Say they cleared their throat too much. Or used the word bodacious. Or walked too slow getting on the bus. Those are good enough reasons for me. I don’t mind drugs but I don’t really want to do a million little crimes to make the loot. Give me a couple of big ones for a lot of money and if I get caught, I am Dostoyevsky. So be it. And when I get out of the joint a celebrated literary genius, I can finally take up golf and live happily ever after on the talk show circuit. It sounds like heaven.

posted by Thea at 7:56 PM

August 27, 2002

Although the thought of using these BLOGS as something more than just idle commentary on my boring life has crossed my mind, I usually let it go after a minute when I admit that writing about my elevator inspired suicide fantasies is far more fulfilling to me as a self absorbed artist. Like I was going to write about big issues and such today but the fact that I started writing in the morning again today after a month lay off and that had a positive effect on me like nothing else has recently pushed all the pressing social commentary out of my mind. I sat down to write this. I thought about today. I had one thought: I like to write in the morning, Ernie. Yeah? Writing in the morning makes me feel good. And that is pretty much it. There’s the BLOG. I am about to go running. There is another BLOG. My boring life. BLOG. BLOG. BLOG.

But wait, there’s more. I went to the record store at Tower City today to look at records. The Man just re-issued twenty Rolling Stones records from 1964-1971 and “My Generation” by the Who today. I wanted to look at them. What caught my eye most about these records was not the enhanced graphics, promise of increased fidelity or, in the case of the Who, bonus tracks. No, what I saw was the price. $19.99 for the Rolling Stones and $30.99 for the Who. Yes. You saw it correctly. Twenty dollars for a copy of “Flowers”. That is total bullshit. The record industry can cry all they want about bootlegging, burning CDs and the internet or whatever but until they lower the price of a CD (especially a catalog CD that is over thirty years old and has never been out of print that cost absolutely nothing to produce), they can shut their fucking holes. Maybe people would by more CDs if they didn’t cost so much. Did anyone ever think of that? Holy shit. Twenty dollars for “12X5”? I don’t think so. The record industry needs to realize that it is sitting on an unlimited amount of revenue (People will by the same records over and over. I know I will.) if they get their pricing in order. Lower the price of CDs now or die.

It is a small soapbox but it is something I care about besides what I eat and how fast I run.

posted by Thea at 9:01 PM

August 25, 2002

I went running this morning. You should not be shocked or surprised.

I just broke Timex Iron Man watch number four since the fall of 1997 on Friday. I am going to get a new one today. I can no longer function without a watch. I am not a white rapper anymore. I can't always be asking what time it is. I am also about to switch shoes to a new pair of New Balance 805s. I would have already switched but some jack off and his fat ass wife would not move at the mall the other day and I did not have the patience to wait for them to pull their heads out of their asses so I could get at the rack of kicks. I have no patience.

I ran for time this morning. I was hoping to break the 24 minute mark and save the time on my old watch – on my old shoes. I am way too sentimental. I ran the first mile in eight minutes. I hit the half way point in just under twelve. I was going to make it. I slowed down on my way back up Lake Avenue to pace myself before hitting the last mile. But I slowed down too much. I hit West Blvd. at 17:30. That means six and half minutes from West Blvd. to West 117th Street (.9 miles). I did not think that I was going to be able to make it. I stopped running. I walked for a couple of steps and then convinced myself to keep going just to finish the course. I started running. I stopped again. As I walked, I told myself that I still had a week to Labor Day and that I needed to keep training. I started running again but stopped for a third time out of depression at West 110th Street. This is where I got really upset with myself while walking and cursed myself out to get me to get started again so I could finish the 5K with some shred of dignity.

I finished at 24:37. I would have made it in under 24 minutes if I would have not stopped three times.

This story is symbolic of my entire life. It is an illustration of my biggest flaw in character. It is my answer to the question, “Why, baby, why?”

posted by Thea at 10:59 AM